Keep moving. Stand still. And me asking myself why? this entire post

Why do I keep tricking myself into moving away from the life I want? Why do I keep making up things to do to not write? Why do I keep pulling work towards me that’s A: not suited for the introvert that I am and B: preventing me from focusing my energy on writing.

Why? An example of how this works in real life:

Me: I need to find a job that gives me a little more freedom

*does so

Also me: I need to do this grad school thing because otherwise my job is boring

*does so

Me: I have no time after work/school/family/social life (or more honest mental energy) to write

Present me: sitting in a high school trying my best to not fall apart, because I have to speak to a gazillion teenagers this year. I just want to go home and write.

Why do I keep moving when I know in my heart I need to stand still. Stand still and hold my ground.

Maybe I’m terrified.

writers in the mist

Sometimes I feel a story buzzing in my mind, chasing thoughts, filling dreams. The story clouded in mist, unwilling to settle form and reveal itself. And I, the writer, find myself grasping the unknown, hoping to find solid ground to stand on. Eyes wide open, ready to snap the idea between my hands.

In the meantime I just write about the swirling colors of the mist, the smell that reminds me of a long forgotten dinner, the sense of hope and doom. I write my way around the mist, into it, underneath it. I write to find the story hidden in it’s core.

I write because that’s what writers do.

 

19 for 2019

Happy Monday!

I’m a bit late to the resolution & goal making party online, but I finally made a list ( I like lists). Inspired by the Happier Podcast of Liz Craft and Gretchen Rubin I picked 19 goals/ideas for 2019 and I picked a one word theme for the year.

My one word theme for the year is: Imagine ! Inspired of course by the question of all questions: what if? Just imagine… What if this year I …..( insert thing that makes you incredibly happy)

And, as one does, I gave it a prominent place in my shiny new bullet journal:

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Without further ado I give you my 19 for 2019. (Note to self and everybody like me: this list is not mandatory, it is supposed to bring joy and make you happier not miserable).

  1. Teach 8 year old to confidently ride the ‘BIG’ bike. (totally do-able)
  2. Make a new friend (scary thingy this one, but friends are fun, so I should give it a try)
  3. Get both my bikes fixed (easy one, just bring the things to the person who knows how they work, they fix them up, I’ll pay them for the effort).
  4. Add 3k to savings account and do not touch it (tricky, but worth a try).
  5. Make ALL the photo-albums
  6. Up Up social media game ( think twitter, insta, pinterest and website)
  7. Form a healthier drinking habit (maybe even not drink at all, don’t know yet.. have to figure this one out)
  8. FINISH NOVEL (type The End, imagine that)
  9. QUERY NOVEL (big ones these two)
  10. Start a tiny side hustle (because it sounds like a fun thing to do, and see goal number 3..)
  11. Able to gallop a horse (I started to learn horse riding last year, but fell a couple of times. I ride without saddle, so extra scary to gallop. But I really want to learn).
  12. Be a tourist in my home town. (the city I live in, Haarlem, is stunning and I should appreciate it more.)
  13. Go on adventures with son every other Wednesday (I’d love to have a tradition/ and who needs an excuse for adventures).
  14. Try to avoid talking ‘bad’ about people (well, because it’s not nice and I should stop it.)
  15. Tap more into love of music, go dancing, to festivals, sing, create Spotify albums.
  16. Start folding 1000 paper cranes (fascinating this one, isn’t it?)
  17. Pretty nails (my nails do not look pretty and they feel sad about it).
  18. Be confident in a bikini. (this does not mean losing weight, but just put the thing on and parade and whatever. Going to the beach should be fun, not stressful).
  19. Create a new family tradition (no clue yet, but the year’s still fresh).

I’ll check in with myself in a couple of months to see how I’m doing, but am really looking forward to these things 🙂

Now I’m going to browse the internet and look at other people’s list, because that’s fun.

Ciao!